The Twitter Herodotus

3.1 Cambyses campaigned against Amasis bc the Egyptian had tricked him. But actually Cambyses' ophthalmologist was behind the whole thing.

3.2 So the Persians say. The Egyptians say Cambyses was the Eg. king Apries' grandson. Nope: he was Cyrus' son by the Persian Cassandane.

3.3 I doubt a 3rd story told, that as a boy Cambyses promised his mother he would one day make Egypt's bottom its top & its top its bottom.

3.4 One of Amasis' bodyguards, Phanes, deserted Egypt and made his way to Persia. He gave Cambyses advice about how to cross the desert.

3.5 The only land route into Egypt is through the desert.

3.6 The Egyptians import wine from Greece & Phoenicia, but you won't see any empty jars around: they're filled w/water & sent to the desert.

3.7 That was later; in Cambyses' day there was no water in the desert. Cambyses asked Arabian king for safe conduct through his country.

3.8 Arabian pledge-giving involves cutting the palms of the two involved parties and smearing seven stones with their blood.

3.9 Per their agreement the Arabian king contrived to have water waiting in the desert for Cambyses.

3.10 Amasis' son Psammenitus waited for Cambyses' attack. Amasis, by the way, had died by this time. He had ruled Egypt for 44 years.

3.11 Cambyses' army arrived & camped near the Egyptians. Greeks in the Egyptian army slit the throats of Phanes' kids and drank their blood.

3.12 I saw the bones of those who died in this battle: the Persians' skulls were brittle, the Egyptians' stout (bc they shaved their heads).

3.13 The Egyptians were routed and fled to Memphis, which the Persians laid siege to & reduced. Neighboring peeps surrendered w/o a fight.

3.14 Cambyses toyed with Psammenitus, displaying his kids as captives. His son was led off to his death, but Cambyses decided to spare him.

3.15 Too late! The kid was dead. But Psammenitus lived on at court until he was caught plotting a revolt. He drank bull's blood and died.

3.17 Then he planned 3 campaigns, against Carthaginians, Ammonians, & Ethiopians: 1st step was to send spies to Ethiopia w/gifts for king.

3.18 The Table of the Sun is in Ethiopia: the boiled meat of every four-footed creature is there, and anyone who wants can go and eat there.

3.19 Cambyses summoned "Fish-Eaters" from Elephantine to serve as his spies. Meanwhile, the expedition against Carthage was a nonstarter.

3.20 Cambyses sent the Fish-Eaters to Ethiopia with gifts for the king: the Ethiopians choose as king the tallest and strongest among them.

3.21 The king was on to the spies. He gave them a bow for Cambyses & said Persians shouldn't come back unless they could string bows as big.